Loneliness

             What is loneliness? 

Is it simply a time when you have no one to talk to about your hobbies? Or maybe no one to call when you need help with your car, washing machine or a leaking tap? Maybe when you have no one to call at all, regardless the problem and the only letters you receive are those from the local bank? Everyday all you get are spam messages on your e-mail box. Or maybe when you stand in the middle of a busy street and there are people walking by, not looking at you, pushing you out of their way, muttering something under their angry noses? Or maybe it’s a feeling you get every morning, before you even open your eyes, before you are even aware you’re awake? The feeling of abandonment. The feeling of belonging to nowhere and no one. The feeling that clutches tight in your chest so you can barely take a breath. 

And I’m not talking about some figure of speech. I’m actually talking about pain in the chest, very real, forceful, grabbing you first thing in the morning, when you lie in bed, staring at the sealing. The pain which makes your heart race like crazy, like it would like to jump out and spring away. The hole of total and consuming you from head to toe emptiness. You can try and scream. There is nothing wrong in trying, but I can assure you that there will be no sound escaping your mouth. Not even a whisper.