Forgiveness

             They left in the morning. The road wasn't long, about 5 hours . They did not exchange a single word, but Annie did not mind. She sat and admired the world through the window. She wondered why there were going and why now . She thought about Carol what they will there . She did not know too many members of her husband's family, noone ever visited . John secretly watched her . They sat facing each other, and she still looked somewhere far away not paying attention to him. He was jealous of these thoughts . He wanted her to think about him . He wanted his person to occupy all her thoughts. Just as she was in his all the time. He thought of her constantly . Sometimes he could not concentrate on anything else. He liked to wake up next to her and watch her sleep. Sometimes he felt that maybe this was how he would spend the rest of his life - just watching her. She did not even have to know that he was near. He likes to know that she is in his house, that when he returns after a hard day work, he will at least see the shadow of her dress or her hand. It's strange that you can be so close to someone, and yet so far.

....................................................................................................................................................

John sat on the porch and watched Anna. She laughed and hugged little Jacob. She looked really happy. He did not even notice when Carol joined him .

- Anna is a great girl . You are really lucky.

- Yes, I know - he said it, still looking at her, but without enthusiasm .

They sat there for a moment in silence. Carol felt that there is something wrong between them, but waited for the right moment to ask him about it .

- Jacob adores her. Since you came here he doesn't not leave her side.

- Yes - he answered.

- She takes good care of him. Don't you think?

- Yes, she does.

- Maybe it's time for you to think about your own children .

He looked at her, and then quickly away .

- I do not think it's possible now.

- Why ?

- It's complicated.

- That's what I was thinking - she sighed and looked at Anne. - You want to talk about it?

- No. Actually, there is nothing to talk about. That's the way it is. Don't even know how to explain it.

- Try.

- I don't know. She didn't want to marry me.

- Why do you say that?

- I knew about this before the wedding. We didn't know each other well. I thought that everything will work out when we move in together. I deluded myself that when she learns that I love her... that she will know.

- But you love her. Why do you think you cannot be happy together?

- I didn't say .

- But it looks like you did. In haven't seen you talk to each other since you came here . Anna does not want to talk about you, and you avoid answer . I can see that something is wrong .

He did not answer right away. And when he spoke his voice was quiet and sad.

- She's not happy with me.

- Why do you say that?

- Come on. Look at her. Since the wedding I didn't hear her laugh. I don't even know if I've ever seen her smile. I know she would rather be married to someone else. Someone who gave her happiness. She deserves the best. I cannot give her that.

Carol saw his suffering. She didn't know why he and blamed himself.

- I'm sure you're wrong. She loves you.

- How do you know ?

- Well. Forgive me, but as a woman I know more about love and I know she loves you.

He shifted uneasily in his chair .

- That's impossible. I've done things .... I did things that hurt her very much . I did this knowing that it would hurt her. I do not know whether I would be able to forgive them myself.

- Women are very strange. They can handle anything as long as they hope they will be happy. They can handle and survive many things. Trust me. It's not too late, but you have to hurry . Even the woman's patience may be over, and then there is no turning back, no hope for you. Now, however, you have to fight .

- I don't know if this is still possible.

- If you love her it is. Trust me. I survived and I saw many things. You are young, and there are many good moments ahead of you.

She stood up and patted him on the shoulder. He was still looking at Anna. Carol did not know whether she reached him or not, but she hoped she helped. She went back to the house and left him alone.

John sat and stared Annie. She was playing with Jacob, they were running together around the tree. She was laughing. He listened to the laughter and dreamed that one day she would laugh like that for him. That she would be happy.