Was thinking what to say to U. I lied. When I said that I was not sad because of you. I know I shouldn’t have but U looked so upset and I didn’t want t bring any more misery on U. Do U know that I miss you. I miss U so much it actually hurts me. I miss you every day. There isn’t one when I don’t think about U. I wander what U do, where U are, what U would say to me if we were together. But mostly I miss you being close to me, holding my hand and looking at me with those gorgeous eyes of yours. So dark and beautiful. It will be a year soon since we talked but I still remember. I remember U well. What I said that nigh was all true. I don’t know what U meant by saying all of it. U took it all back later. I don’t understand what it was, for since U knew there was nothing to it in the end. Didn’t U know that it would break my heart? I guess not. I even didn’t know that until it was all done. And there was no turning back, for me at least, after that. I used to think about it often but after some time it just became too painful so I tried very, very much not too. But I’m so lonely without U. When I left I lost something then and now I cannot come back to myself anymore. I never felt like this. I feel such loneliness and sadness sometimes that is almost chokes me. I cannot breath. I know you don’t understand since you’re so happy and always so great. I know that its different for you. I don’t blame U. But I love you! More than I can explain or even admit. And I don’t know what to do. Cause I know you don’t feel anything to me or even think about me at all. I pray to God every day so he can take this love away from me so I would not suffer anymore. I had enough. A year is enough don’t you think. I don’t want to feel it trust me. I was better at times but this place brings all the memories back. And I’m back to where I was last year. Right after I left. Just back then we talked for hours every day. That helped me. I’m sorry I was so lousy about the contact. I just couldn’t handle that anymore.