I was thinking about some people today. People that were so important some time ago in my life. I remember when I was so sad when some of them were clearly not so much interested in being good friends with me or at the beginning they seemed to be and later it all fall apart. I was wandering sometimes if that was my fault. I was taking the blame on me. Thinking that I’m not good enough to even be their friend anymore. It was happening for the last two years.
And somehow now I think that I don't need them anymore. I don't spend my time wandering what they are doing now or thinking if they will write me or not. I'm not waiting for them anymore. But I noticed that since the time they - to be melodramatic - broke my heart, I'm unable to make new friends. I don't know if I'm scared or if I don't care about new people in my life, but somehow there is this emptiness in me. And I on one hand don't care but on the other I'm so lonely.
It's difficult to be trapped in this world. It's like you want to get out of the glass house, but also too afraid to smash the door.